Tag Archives: angry

Anger Got The Better Of Me

“I want to say somewhere: I’ve tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in.” – Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

Thanks Mother

I love that look you give me that makes me feel like a piece of shit, a broken piece of trash. Garbage. That look shrinks my vibration and I know I let it happen. I am weak right now and cannot deal with your look of hate. Thank you. It makes me want to kill myself. Thanks for getting me help when I was young when I needed it, something was clearly wrong when you had a corpse of a daughter who is skin and bone, arms like twigs, breasts as flat as a surface. Now look where I am. Anorexia kills.

And you know I am not well, yet you never have bothered particularly to read my blog or research into my illness. You have no consideration for my mental and physical state. I am sick. It is an invisible sickness. Great support. Just give me another hateful look. I will just not care anymore. Moaning and groaning, gossiping and small talk… It is all a load of damaging, soul shrinking crap.

I know I have caused you a lot of pain… I know that…. I love you. I am sorry. God bless you.