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Suicide Talk

Right now, no one seems to be talking about it, but there is a pandemic of suicides due to this world-wide crisis/planetary evolution.

Suicides are sky rocketing. I will be researching and doing new posts in the future about this vital topic to our times currently.

Suffering in silence with no where to turn; job losses, mental health explosions, breakdowns, fear, depression, anxiety, you name it… Humanity needs our help.

05/10/20: Obliteration. Terminate Avatar.

Dear Diary,

I need to stop going round in circles and repeating the same mistakes. I am creating my own demise. I am already drowning.

The pain I feel is compltely out of this world; it is the kind of pain that makes you want to commit suicide. No one will ever know how fucked up my reality is. It is a subjective experience. All we can do is imagine.

I want to live a normal life.

I have know idea where I am at and where I am going.

I am not well at all. Invisble pain.

I am sick of myself.

Pain Paralysis.

I completely hate my current experience in this body.

The list of effects and symptoms is endless. I don’t have the energy today to keep writing.

Everything seems pointless and dark.

This pandemic is creating so much suffering. Unbearable.

What is peace? I haven’t felt it in years.

Zopiclone (sleeping pill) withdrawals after ten days in. I feel dizzy, weak, muscle cramps, nausea, headaches, hyperactivity, aching body, touch hurts, sounds hurt. However I feel more lucid and awake. I wish I could expect that my brain chemicals will balance out, but when I had the trauma my brain chemicals felt like they had been used up. I don’t think my brain will balance out. Before Zopiclone I had all the symptoms above. What the hell do I do? I am deteriating and falling apart.

I miss life. I miss my body. I miss the outside, I haven’t been outside today.

Country girl struggling to adjust in this plandemic in the city.

I miss routine and growth.

All I want to do is commit suicide. Who am I anymore? Identity? Ego?

What am I doing on this planet?

I want to evolve, grow, to go into my shadow self, to heal, to regenerate, to refresh. I don’t know where to start. I need help. Please I pray change and peace comes.

I’ve been praying for a year or so and no salvation within myself.

I feel trapped in this mess.

Obliterate self. Terminate.

Love is the answer.

Amber

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