“WHAT is true is that the whole of life is a series of vibrations, radiations and emanations, and that you are influenced by every part of the natural order or being. All these cause some influence on you, but none of them is so potent that it exercises a power that you cannot alter.
It is not true that your life is predestined because at the moment of physical birth some star was in the ascendant. All planets, all nature, everything in the universe, all beings have some effect on you. But you are the master of your soul; you have personal responsibility, and you fix your own destiny according to your spiritual progress. That is how I see it.” – The Silver Birch Book Of Questions & Answers
Have a good walk. That is beautiful you still remember his death every year as many humans don’t get that sort of yearly appreciation for someone’s life that he does from you and his other friends. Some people just get forgotton and not bothered remembering by their fellows.
The next lockdown will be a disaster for mental health, the economy, in all ways. It is ridiculous and the science does not match up when you research outside of the news media. A totalitarian state is coming if we don’t wake up to what is really happening in the world. This virus will never go away, it will never go away Dad, the elites have planned this all out for years. Civilisations throughout history, the Roman empire etc, have ended after a few hundred years and become corrupt and die out. The Muslim population are not all bad of course, like each human can be good or bad, however it is an invasion of the western world with the importation of refugees and the allowance of all this happening. The French navy are dropping migrants off into the sea and they arrive in England and get 4 star hotels.. then the dingys they came in are sent back to the French Navy to be reused. What the fuck?? Who knows who is being imported wheb people arrive with no documents, they could be criminals being spread all over Europe like wildfire……
I haven’t managed to do a diary entry in a while; I’ve kept putting it off and losing myself in worldly affairs. I can’t fully bring myself to write the depths of my depair of a life.
I feel absolutely fucked. I want to scream. No sleep, feeling loopy and fuzzy headed. The medications are messing me up; they don’t work one year later. Anxiety breeds throughout my being. I feel awkward and fake, I smile through the hell of this pain all over. My muscles and joints feel so weak, burning away invisibly. Silent pain. I don’t know how I hold myself together. I am resilient yet I have no choice. I feel stuck in a state of chaos, absolutely head fucked.
Panic is there and I can’t call for help.
I hate who I have become, I don’t like speaking fast and unnecessarily. I didn’t speak for four years and I still have problems with my perception of my own voice and what I say.
I am distraught with the awareness that the pharmaceuticals for PTSD and fibromyalgia are destroying my beautiful brain. I have constant memory loss and cannot think of words that I used to know. It sickens me to death. I don’t want this to happen, yet where do I turn? This is not the way I want to live my life.
I wish I could get help. I have tried and tried and nothing.
My head is a chaotic mess.
I cannot rest. I cannot just be. My body is in a constant state of high alert from previous trauma. I just want to sleeeeep.
This flu is fading away leaving a husky cough and snotty nose.
I don’t know what is happening in the world or what to believe anymore. I just want to sleep for weeks and hide away from everything, it is all too much. Confused, baffled, despaired, worn out.
I wish I was in a good state so I could pursue my purpose of awakening furher with meditation practices and deep healing of my being.
I see no end to this. I see no way out. I see no light, I feel like I am being sucked into a black hole of emptiness. Empty, vacant…
I just want to scream and go crazy and release all this stored pain.
Please help me GOD. I beg you. Please help me. Please help me.
No one can see this wreck of a human, a shell of a human.
I don’t know who I am or what I am doing on gaia.
Desperate for relief. Please. Help me. Please. Please. Please. Help me. Help me.