Tag Archives: live

A Cold Heart

During our lives we can become so broken, so destroyed, so fragmented that our hearts turn cold.

The love that fills our pure hearts from the beginning gets pulled and tugged from experience to experience until eventually the life is sucked out of you.

Our hearts may die of lack of love.

There is always love. Love is the answer.

We have to find ways of pumping that love energy back into our hearts through self-love, following our passions and good people.

What Real Balance Looks Like

“Following up on my video The Role Of Balance In Personal Development, I wanted to clarify what real balance looks like.

So I drew this little diagram:

So in this case what the diagram represents are the possible ways to balance the issue of science vs mysticism. This is just one facet — out of dozens — that you’ll have to balance in your life. Look at this like a spectrum. On the far left you’ve got the hard-nosed science position. On the far right you’ve got the very religious/mystical position.

Most people have a naive notion of balance. They think of balance as depicted by the green dotted lines above. Balance to them either means going straight down the middle on an issue, or down one of the sides.

But real balance looks more like the purple line above. It’s jagged and nuanced. Drawing that jagged line requires a real exploration of the issue. It takes work. How much easier to be an ideologue and draw one of the dotted lines.

Of course this applies to all the other facets of life:

-Career vs family
-Personal development vs pursuit of enlightenment
-Being an asshole vs being too nice
-Theory vs practice
-Pragmatism vs idealism
-Art vs marketing
-Chasing money vs neglecting money
-Doing vs being
-Expressing emotions vs suppressing emotions
-Capitalism vs communism
-Privacy rights vs defending against terrorism
-Etc.”

Source: https://www.actualized.org/insights?p=47

Cannabis Blackout

I stood outside looking at the stars in the countryside outside my bedroom a few nights ago. I smoked the herb and reality started to go pixelated. I don’t remember anything except intense fears, ego death and a BLACKOUT. Reality blacked out. I remember hearing a loud smack in the distance and it was my head against the glass of the conservatory window. All I remember is hearing my brother’s voice calling “Amber” “Amber” “Amber”. The voice got louder and I opened my eyes and saw my brother’s face. He had caught me in his arms. I was unable to walk, I had to lay on the concrete in the garden until I could go inside the house.

My brother said to me that he uses it for enjoyment, yet I was using it to run away from my own emotional, mental and phsyical pain and to sleep that night as I was withdrawing from sleeping pills. The lesson I got was that people use things for different reasons, your intention matters with substances that alter your state of consciousness.

The experience humbled me to a higher power. Ego Death. Scary.