Warm glowy nights by the fire, the day is done, sleep is near, cosy and warm by the fire’s gift of energy. Archaic times in the DNA of my being gently, so gently, give me this sense of times long go. This fire lights up my life, warmth sending my vibration high. I miss all those moments of time from birth to death of times by the fire. I miss fire. The smell lingers in my memories, I can summon them yet being in the experience is not the same. Fire, oh fire, how I miss you.. I hope I get to smell you once again, just one more time in this exsistence.
The stars are dancing, no one can see, for the eyes of one’s self standing alone outside is the one who sees. I think I see yet I know, I know, that what I know of the known is but a blip, a minuscule fragment of infinity, energy, infinite intelligence, source, love, ultimate, God………….
I stood outside looking at the stars in the countryside outside my bedroom a few nights ago. I smoked the herb and reality started to go pixelated. I don’t remember anything except intense fears, ego death and a BLACKOUT. Reality blacked out. I remember hearing a loud smack in the distance and it was my head against the glass of the conservatory window. All I remember is hearing my brother’s voice calling “Amber” “Amber” “Amber”. The voice got louder and I opened my eyes and saw my brother’s face. He had caught me in his arms. I was unable to walk, I had to lay on the concrete in the garden until I could go inside the house.
My brother said to me that he uses it for enjoyment, yet I was using it to run away from my own emotional, mental and phsyical pain and to sleep that night as I was withdrawing from sleeping pills. The lesson I got was that people use things for different reasons, your intention matters with substances that alter your state of consciousness.
The experience humbled me to a higher power. Ego Death. Scary.