Tag Archives: sleep

Sleep Is A Bizarre Activity

“People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s really a bizarre activity. ‘For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.’

If you didn’t know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you’d seen.

They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the ‘mind adventures’ got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren’t unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.’

So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you’re in a science fiction movie. And whisper, ‘The creature is regenerating itself.” –
George Carlin, Brain Droppings

That Is Very Morbid

“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.” – Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

30/10/20: Despair & Desperation

I haven’t managed to do a diary entry in a while; I’ve kept putting it off and losing myself in worldly affairs. I can’t fully bring myself to write the depths of my depair of a life.

I feel absolutely fucked. I want to scream. No sleep, feeling loopy and fuzzy headed. The medications are messing me up; they don’t work one year later. Anxiety breeds throughout my being. I feel awkward and fake, I smile through the hell of this pain all over. My muscles and joints feel so weak, burning away invisibly. Silent pain. I don’t know how I hold myself together. I am resilient yet I have no choice. I feel stuck in a state of chaos, absolutely head fucked.

Panic is there and I can’t call for help.

I hate who I have become, I don’t like speaking fast and unnecessarily. I didn’t speak for four years and I still have problems with my perception of my own voice and what I say.

I am distraught with the awareness that the pharmaceuticals for PTSD and fibromyalgia are destroying my beautiful brain. I have constant memory loss and cannot think of words that I used to know. It sickens me to death. I don’t want this to happen, yet where do I turn? This is not the way I want to live my life.

I wish I could get help. I have tried and tried and nothing.

My head is a chaotic mess.

I cannot rest. I cannot just be. My body is in a constant state of high alert from previous trauma. I just want to sleeeeep.

This flu is fading away leaving a husky cough and snotty nose.

I don’t know what is happening in the world or what to believe anymore. I just want to sleep for weeks and hide away from everything, it is all too much. Confused, baffled, despaired, worn out.

I wish I was in a good state so I could pursue my purpose of awakening furher with meditation practices and deep healing of my being.

I see no end to this. I see no way out. I see no light, I feel like I am being sucked into a black hole of emptiness. Empty, vacant…

I just want to scream and go crazy and release all this stored pain.

Please help me GOD. I beg you. Please help me. Please help me.

No one can see this wreck of a human, a shell of a human.

I don’t know who I am or what I am doing on gaia.

Desperate for relief. Please. Help me. Please. Please. Please. Help me. Help me.

All I want is peace and a trip to the woods…

Have a good life,

Amber –@diosraw